Reincarnation

How Do You Want To Be Remembered?
Combined Media on Canvas/Found Materials 6x12 -- Artist: Laura McHugh

What do you do with your pieces that don't sell? 

Here's a dilemma many artists face: you, the artist, create a body of work - for a show or because you were excited about a theme, material, process.

After days/months/years, you now have 3 to 20 new pieces. You excitedly anticipate the show date approaching, and you price and title all the work. The night before the show opens, you view the hung work quietly, with no one else around. The silence envelopes you and you glow in the beauty you have created. Each piece is perfect. Each piece has a story to tell and an impact to be made on the people who will come through the door in the morning.

As you turn to leave the studio, you shut off the lights and as you set your head down onto your pillow, you reflect on the time, materials, inspirations, challenges and all that has gone into the making of this body of work. You envision engaged attendees to the show in animated discussions with you about your process. You vow to smile nicely at anyone who comments about how the color of a piece isn't quite right to go with their sofa, and ask for divine intervention should anyone request to change or create a piece that would match.

Morning comes and you have rested. The exhaustion you would normally feel from all the work leading up to this moment is pushed aside by the adrenaline coursing through your body. The time comes for visitors to arrive, and they do! They come streaming in, bounding to see the work and the studio space. They are animated, as you envisioned in your sleepy state the night before. They ask lots of questions, good questions. You reveal yourself and your secrets. You leave them alone a bit to read the titles on the pieces and reflect on their own impressions of the work, then you reengage, making sure you ask that they sign the guest book, which they happily do.

Then they leave. Without. Buying. Anything.  :(

This makes you sad. Somewhat because of the money, but it goes deeper than that. These pieces that didn't sell aren't in the hands of someone else so that they can connect and emanate their message, energy, vision to the world. The impact you hoped they would make is fleeting...maybe the people who came to the show and saw the work "got it." You didn't stand with them to view each piece, so you have no way of really knowing whether the work was heard and accepted. And if someone bought it, that is no guarantee that they "got" it. Their relationship with the piece is deeply personal and intimate and may or may not have anything to do with what you felt and intended when you created it.

All of that not withstanding, you are now out in your studio/gallery with seventeen pieces that have not found new homes.

What's a girl to do?  They need to be lovingly and carefully packaged up for storage. Maybe you can put 1-2 pieces in an upcoming show where the call or theme is perfectly aligned. You have an art giveway project - maybe you can leave the art out for people to find. But some of it is too big for this project, or maybe you need to rethink your size criteria. You can seek out venues who might want the art, for sale or as a donation.

What you DON'T want is for these pieces to end up at the thrift store. You buy canvases and other art materials there to make INTO art. Having your pieces end up back there would be complete and utter personal and creative failure .... So what's a girl to do?

My dilemma, for my art, is that it isn't necessarily nice. I make it because it comes through me as a message - a commentary on a current situation, an emotion I'm feeling, or even something more political. I haven't connected with the right audience for my pieces - someone as quirky and appreciative of the subtle messages as I am.

I might give some pieces away because the feedback I get from recipients of art in the Art For Everyone Project is SO satisfying. They all appreciate their new gifts and the stories of where the art ends up are amazing.

But I am also considering reincarnating certain pieces. For example, five small canvases I did as commentary on branding for huge corporations (McDonalds, Girl Scouts, Corona and Budweiser, and Smart Water) were understood and appreciated in the show, but probably will not find a permanent wall to hang on. Like the old masters who painted on a canvas, then drastically reworked the subject, or changed it altogether over the top of an existing work, I may do the same. I'm not pushed so much for resources to purchase more canvases, but I don't want to store any more art. Flow is an important value and I want to keep the work moving through my creative space. Bundling it up and using precious shelf space is not moving in the right direction for me.

These Corporate Branding pieces may end up with a new coat of paint over the top. I might paint images on them that are "prettier" as an experiment to see if that sells. I will know what is underneath. That message will still carry forward, even if it is covered up by a pleasant painting.

What do you do with your pieces that don't sell? 

Hooked.   Combined Media (Found Materials, Pen/Ink, Pencil) Mounted on Canvas
24x36 -- Artist: Laura McHugh

How Many of These Five Career Qualities Do You Want?

Harvard Business Review (HBR) posted an article today about what people want in careers:

• Security
• Freedom
• Advancement
• Engagement
• Balance

For me, all of the above! (You could add over-achiever to that list, I guess.) But seriously, I want to be challenged and busy, and be making solid contributions that leads to acknowledgement of my contributions and advancement.

I've had enough years in my career (30+) and I am now delightfully finished with day-to-day single parenting four children, so I find balance is actually quite achievable.

Security helps me relax, knowing I can breathe a bit and risk being myself, bringing my creativity and personality to the table. The more secure I am, the more confidence, which in turn leads to feeling I can be more me.

Freedom means being able to be creative. Being an engineer and also an artist, I go from linear to fluid and everywhere in between. I like a career where I am free to pick the best solution or combination of solutions in the moment, using my gut instinct.

Advancement is room to grow. I value connection and the connection between what I do and where it takes me in my career is important to me. I want to be in an organization that fosters growth of its employees by advancing them, when ready, to take on more responsibility and make bigger contributions.

Engagement may be the most important of these five qualities for me. The older I get the more important it is for me to feel engaged and have a stake in my career, and for me to interact with others who engage with me. I can't really do my job of EHS very effectively if either party is not fully engaged.

And finally balance. As I mentioned above, I have a much better sense of what balance looks like and I have a lot more time to achieve balance. I have the experience to know that I don't have to bust my rear end after hours to keep up. I can be effective by working the normal number of hours, and the longer I work, the more efficient I get so that I'm actually down to a 40 hour week. Being an artist helps me so much - getting into that right side of my brain is the most relaxing soothing way to balance out my logical side ever.

Bring me a job opportunity that has 3, 4 or hopefully all 5 of these important qualities and I will be a productive and happy employee!

Distracted by a Job

I started a full-time job about five weeks ago. That has left me quite depleted. I'm not depleted, energy-wise. I've actually been pretty hyped up and feeling groovy. But there is something about putting my head into engineering work that takes away my penchant for critical thinking about art, issues and the world at large. I wonder if it is what comes from being in a corporate environment all day long? Drinking the kool-aid, so to speak.  I've been out of an office environment for about two years, so it is interesting to go back in there.

Things that have been on my mind instead are: 

• How nice it is to have income, which leads directly to my ability and willingness to do some things around the house that were in need of maintenance. Really small things like buying a much needed new shower curtain and having someone come and clean the windows; 
• Planning a small vacation away for the weekend;
• Going out to lunch once a week to treat myself and enjoy it guilt-free; and
• A little bit of retail therapy, which involved allowing myself to walk through the mall and Macy's and look at clothes, cosmetics and shoes, even though I didn't end up buying anything.

I have been doing art and now that I am up on a disciplined level with art, having had the better part of the last year to do it anytime I wanted, it is something I do for relaxation.

• I've put together some prototype wedding invitations
• I made a flyer for the King's Mountain cookie bake committee, and 
• I made a flyer for the art show and sale my friend Diana and I are having in June.

I will get back to thinking about more important issues soon enough. Until then, I'm going to ponder why my brain hasn't been able to do both the job and caring about important things at the same time.

Focus, Pinky, Focus

I was reading a great blog by Kathleen Shannon reflecting on changes she's noticing after having her first baby a few weeks ago. Kathleen and her sister Tara Street have a fantastic branding company for creatives called Braid. I used Braid for some branding work on my tarts idea.

A big change like having a child, or changing jobs, moving, or losing a loved one, can bring forward the opportunity to reflect. Somehow in these times, our brains slow down and as Kathleen said, it is a little like when you travel and are more aware as you make your way through a new city. With the new baby snuggling, Kathleen was reflecting on her ability (or inability) to focus.

But what I noticed as I was reading this magazine is that my attention span is completely shot. I found myself skipping paragraphs and jumping pages. The equivalent of hopping from open tab to open tab in my browser. I was challenged to hold my focus on a beautiful magazine in my peaceful and picture-perfect breakfast nook. I found myself with a compulsive itch for the kind of chaos that only social media can seem to scratch these days. Now look, I don’t think the internet is bad (I mean, here I am). But it might be a problem when I’m 5 pages into a really great read and at the same time am habitually reaching for my phone to refresh Instagram for the 10th time in 20 minutes. (And on that note, I’ve also noticed that even TV can’t seem to hold my attention – I seem to mindlessly grab for my phone when I’m watching my shows too!) 

So I think I’d like to tweak my morning routine for a while and instead of absent-mindedly scrolling through my RSS feed and Pinterest I’m going to drag out all the magazines I’ve collected and practice giving real pages that I can turn my undivided attention.

This reminded me of exactly what Daniel Goleman was referring to when I listened to an interview with him on NPR recently. We are becoming attached to our electronics in a new and interesting way. You can read a lot more about that in Goleman's book, Focus. (Funny note: I recently got the Kindle app, but I will read this one in hard cover with a cup of tea by my side.)

Goleman's suggestion for developing your focus muscle: meditate. 

Aaaahhh. Namaste.

How Do You Know if You Have The Right Coach?

I've been debating whether to write this blog post for more than a year. I'm trained as a personal life coach. I've had a coach for 12 of the past 15-16 years. Not the same coach that whole time, but only two in that time.

How much progress should a person make with the help of a coach in 15 years? How do you know if the coaching challenges and advice are good or not?

My first coach was a woman I contacted when I learned about the field of personal coaching. Still a friend, many years later, I stopped coaching with SK when she started up a professional coaching practice and wanted to hire me into that model. What I got from SK during our coaching was a straight-forward and objective assessment of various personal and professional situations I found myself in. At the time, I was newly divorced, recovering from breast cancer and raising four rambunctious children on my own, while running my own engineering consulting practice.

I took a break after SK and I stopped coaching. I got through coach training and was coaching people myself and practicing self-management and a certain level of self-coaching.

After a couple of years flying solo, I heeded the recommendation that if you were going to be a coach, you should have a coach. I also had a deep-seated desire to branch out from engineering into art and become more of a professional artist, rather than a dabbler, so I sought a coach who could help me achieve those right-brained goals.

I worked with BZ for 10 years. In that time, I did achieve my goal of becoming a professional artist. I had shows, got a residency, and became firmly entrenched in my art community. All big personal wins. I also got fed up with corporate America and quit my well-paying job at the height of the economic wipeout in 2008-9.

Any coach will tell you - if not in a written agreement, at least informally - that your decisions are your own, as are your successes, or your failures. There's usually deemphasis on failures. Of course, you want your coach to help you win. Your coach wants you to win. Failure is discussed in terms of learning moments and you keep moving, after processing your disappointment, grief, anger, resentment.

I really hadn't thought much about the challenges my coach casually threw my way: quit my job, try being an artist, what if you did this or that? until another person coached by BZ - let's call him JT - shared his experiences with me.

JT's been searching for his path in life since finishing school a few years ago. He's a musician. Highly creative. Good degree. Wants to live in Seattle where there's a music scene, where he has friends, and where he went to college. But Seattle is economically challenging for him.  I see him making choices that are sporadic. Try this, then try that. Are these things he's coming up with, or his coach's suggestions? I'm not sure, but given my experience with BZ, I think many come from his coach.  And that's where I have a bit of an issue.

As a coaching client, you are paying your coach to, well, coach you. They are rooting for you and you are in love with everything they say. Every suggestion, coming from their subtle authority position, sounds like it could just be the thing to propel you to success, balance, whatever it is you are seeking. So you get a little sucked in to thinking that trying these things is going to be easy. Why not?

But then, after a few weeks or months of something not working very well, instead of spending time thinking about what could have been done better, you and your coaching are talking about the next big thing. Yay! You go! Sky's the limit! I'm being a little bit facetious here, like this vid of two gal coaches. But you get my drift.

A coach is a good thing. And being open to change is a good thing, especially if you are wanting things to change. But - or and as any good coach would say - steady progress toward a goal is important. A coach who is willy-nilly all over the board is not helping you. By choosing a goal and taking small, but consistent steps aligned with that goal, with the help of a coach, you will succeed and you will do it more quickly.  Why take 15 years when you could have taken only 5?

What Really Works to Help Women Get Ahead

Women can only get ahead in work if they stay in the workplace. Sometimes, that is not an easy thing to do. Organizations have institutional barriers to success, especially for women with children. If you are raising a family, whether a woman or a man, the work demands can sometimes make it tough, with demands on your time and attention at times when your children need it most.

CEO Sabrina Parsons of Palo Alto Software, suggests some specific and practical ways that parents who work can be present at work, and also take care of their parenting in a responsible and calm way.

I have long been saying we need organizations to remove institutional barriers. Now Sabrina Parsons gives us ideas, and these are things she herself has tried. Thank you Sabrina. Read the whole article in Business Insider here.

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2014 Mandalas

January - Mandala #1 - Better

February - Mandala #2: Focus

March - Mandala #3: End Chaos Now

April - Mandala #4: Blossom

May - Mandala #5: Pure Joy

June - Mandala #6: And move on.

July - Mandala #7: Hawaii

August - Mandala #8: Electric

September - Mandala #9 - Radiant 

October - Mandala #10 - Picnic

November - Mandala #11: Community Plan

December - Mandala #12: Portal

Journey Leads to A Small Child

Tonight, I continuing my practicing of shamanic journeying with a like-minded friend who also has skills in this area. We agreed to practice journeying on behalf of each other.  The journey I had revealed a baby in Yvette's future - a baby I didn't know will be born in just a few short months. Read on for the full story, and thank you Yvette for agreeing I could share this for learning purposes.

Yvette's question was about what job she would do that would provide her with the work-life balance she seeks to allow time for her creative side.

In the journey, I saw Yvette transforming from a hectic situation (current) where she is scrambling all the time in work, and which leaves little time and energy for her creativity. She transformed and her situation evolved to one where she was in a relationship with a man who supported them, allowing her to work at what she loves part time. I also saw a female child - age 3-5, cradled in Yvette's lap. In the vision, the child was her youngest daughter's child.  I vacillated between thinking the child was her daughter and that this was a past view of Yvette's life, but the vision kept telling me it was her daughter's child. I do know Yvette's daughter in real life, but haven't had any updates on what she's been up to for several months.

When I returned from the vision and told Yvette all that I saw, including plenty of information for her about transformation, patience and a graceful relationship that would allow the work-life balance she seeks, I joked that whatever was to happen about this relationship she was in would resolve in 3-5 years, as that was the age of the child in the vision. I was a bit panicked at the thought of all that would have to happen for the vision to come to pass. So much of it is not even close to being in place at this time.

After I told Yvette the journey, she told me her daughter is due to have a baby in just three months! While this was not the focus of the journey, which was to get information for Yvette, it was stunning to me to hear of the baby on the way. Any information I've had about Yvette's daughter would lead me to believe children were far off in her future.  It is true that Yvette will be a grandmother soon, and in just a couple of years, I believe she will be in a relationship that is graceful and peaceful and she will find the work-life balance and time to be creative she seeks.

Now We're Talking, Mary

Yesterday, carmaker General Motors announced that they have appointed Mary Barra as their CEO.
A woman running a car company. All I can say is Wow. To me, this is almost as big as hearing we landed a man on the moon, ended apartheid, or solved world peace.

Okay, I am joking just a bit. But this is huge. My personal dream of gender parity in upper management may be coming true.

Think about it. Cars have been a boy's domain, largely. They spend all their time as children playing with them. Then when they are old enough to drive and get one, hopefully they wrench on them, or at least they used to when you could still get to the engine and all its amazing parts. They soup them up, polish them, worship them, and sometimes are buried in them.

I bought a high performance car about a year ago - a Porsche 911. I LOVE that car. I was considering myself what it would be like to being buried in it as I was zipping down to Santa Barbara last weekend in it. It fits like a glove, performs like the well-oiled machine that it is. Though I know enough to respect the 365 horsepower that is under the rear hood, it does what every car on the road should do: it gets up and goes when I need it to, and purrs in between.

Still, when I am driving it around, I feel a certain amount of embarrassment at being a woman and owning it. I wonder what other drivers must think. Can I really appreciate it? And because I do, does that make me weird, like Bernadette or Amy on Big Bang Theory? By the way, I think that show has done wonders in improving the image of cerebrally-endowed women.

So now we have a woman heading up an entire car company. A company that has been the domain of men for more than 100 years as they design, build and sell their buddies the next dream machine all shiny and smelling of fine Corinthian leather, or the SUV or truck that will safely carry their family around, but provide enough chrome and rumble to impress their buddies when they pull into the parking lot at work or the gas station.

GM is a car company that has suffered massively and just yesterday also was in the news as costing the American taxpayers more than $10 billion in bailouts. Yes, GM was saved, but Detroit was not. These boys in charge ran their company into the ground, and the US government threw them a few life lines to keep that part of the American dream alive and well.

Along with failing Yahoo, GM has decided hiring a woman to lead the charge is a good thing. I hope for Mary Barra's sake she has true power to lead GM to greater success. Women do like their cars too. Even performance cars, some of us. Maybe Mary Barra will find a way to build GM so that they can do the right thing and pay back that $10 billion and build stylish and affordable eco-efficient cars. Now that would be miracle leadership.

Honing My Creativity Skills With A Moose and A Salmon

This weekend, I'm in a workshop all the way down in Santa Barbara on Shamanic Training in Creativity. I wanted to brush up on using shamanic journeying to access my own artistic creativity, and also see how equipped I am to help others find solutions and get empowered using the journey process.

In case you are wondering, scholars and scientists are thinking the paintings in the caves of Lascaux in France were done by shamans to record what they saw in their visions.

Today, we did seven journeys! It was great to reconnect with the body of knowledge associated with Michael Harner's teaching and observe how others practice their journeying. Steve Martin showed up in one of my first journeys to advise me on creativity. His secret: naivete. 

The 6th journey was conducted on behalf of another. I was paired up with someone I don't know, and who was very quiet in her introductions. Very little about her was revealed. Her question, on which I was to journey to help find answers, was how to take better care of her aging body.

In the journey, I saw her dancing with me at first, but then running away. I encouraged her to come back and we walked, but she was hunched over and I could tell she was hurting. We kept going and came to a place where I suddenly saw her doing tai-chi. We are supposed to ask for answers from helpers, so I asked for a helper come in and validate what I was seeing. We were only a couple of minutes into the 15 minute exercise. 

Next I saw a beautiful king salmon swim in and just brush up against her. I waited for more fish - but none appeared. After the fish came in, her posture was stronger and I could feel she had a strong and vibrant core. The journey time ended and we came back to share. 

I told her of my observations, and she proceeded to tell me she regularly has practiced chi dong but gave it up because she has been having some health issues. She said she gave up eating salmon about four months ago, right around the time when her other body aches worsened. She also said she loves to dance but can't do that because of the pains.
What I saw - a spiritual and physical practice, coupled with fish and/or fish oil - coincided EXACTLY with this person's experience. How could I know?

That is the power of shamanic journeying. We can't "think" our way through to solutions. All the information is available to us, if we can still ourselves and rely on Core Shamanic practices.

Are you interested in what she saw for me? Also amazing.

My question was how to find a way to approach people to do journeys for them without it being "weird." Should I use the term "shamanic" or would people be put off by that?

My partner saw a moose on a hill with people coming to me to hear about shamanism and have me work with them on answers to their questions.

Moose symbolizes the expression of joy when something has been accomplishment, not in a ‘show-off look at me I want recognition‘ kind of way, but in a true sense of sharing that springs from knowing how infectious joy is. Moose is also a symbol of being headstrong, longevity, wisdom, confidence, self-esteem, primal feminine energy and steadfastness. 

People with this power animal are born with their inner eyes open already, they see things with extraordinary clarity - psychic awakenings in later life are rare for the moment moose people are born this is their awakening. They do have some of their most testing lessons in their childhood, but their fearlessness and mettle together with their direct connection to universal knowledge gives them the necessary aid needed to strengthen their self-esteem and find their place in the world. 

She saw me needing to go through a door and being very resistant. The moose told her to make sure I didn't wait to long to get myself through the door or I would be sorry.

So there you go - I need to embrace doing this. People will want it. I shouldn't wait too long.

Brilliant!  Great day. I got a lot of info about the form this work will take too. I'm ready for more tomorrow!

Art Returned

I talked with a friend recently about her art being returned to her after a long hiatus. She had requested the piece back from an ex. It took forever, but when she did get it back, the experience was somewhat bittersweet. The piece had been altered and though glad to have it back, it wasn't the same.

I had an unexpected return of a piece I'd done back in 2007 just the other day. It was for a friend at work back then. We no longer work there, and I guess when he left his job after me, he left the piece behind. I was back there doing some consulting a colleague (Fellow #2) asked me to swing by his office - he had something for me. He smirked, or smiled, I wasn't sure which. I wanted to believe it was a smile. I wanted to think that he had something nice for me to smooth over some old ill feelings.

I took my meeting with Fellow #2, and when I left his office, his admin pointed to the painting. My heart sunk. Why hadn't Fellow #1 taken the piece with him when he left? Did he forget? Did he not like it?

And that smile - now I could see it was definitely a smirk. Fellow #2's wife is an artist and surely he must know the feeling of getting art back that you have lovingly gifted away to a new home.

Overall, though, I was happy to get the piece back. I loved making it and love it.

It lives up to its name: 26 Types of Failure.  Monoprint/Mixed Media Collage 22x30, Rives BFK Paper

New Information, Keep Asking Questions

Monday Nov 4.   I will look back on 2013, which is nearly over, and remember it as a very tough year. I was talking with a good friend today about this year, and the term "forced time out" came to mind.

My consulting work has been in a lull. I haven't had any job opportunities come through and the head part of me says that logically this must mean I am meant to be doing art full time, but every time I think about that, I panic about (not) making money. It has been a very challenging and particularly vicious cycle, emotionally and I have spent most of the year in an emotional fetal position, not getting much of anything accomplished.

Because I had done the visualization, I knew this year would be one of transformation. I saw that in March. I saw myself metaphorically suffocating, then unwinding and remaking myself - all with parts of my former self into a new and better way.

Somehow, knowing that was going on inside didn't make it any easier. One rejection after another has been the hallmark of this year, though thankfully there has not been a lot of personal crisis. I'm physically healthy and fine, and so are all my kids. It has just been a toll on myself in terms of formerly being very successful and pretty much getting whatever I go after. Like my friend said today about when she was going through it herself: she "lost her giddy-up."  Like me, she is blessed with good parking karma. When we stop getting something we've been accustomed to getting - something we now feel entitled to - that puts a little kink in our panties.

After our coffee talk today, I realized the question for my stalled meditation sessions is not "What Am I" or "Who Am I" or "Who Am I Becoming," but rather "What is Letting Go?"  A rock saying just that - Let Go - is on the floor in my shower to remind me every day to loosen the grip. I watch water and soap fall on the rock, finish washing my hair, get out of the shower and promptly forget the message.

I asked in my meditation today "What is Letting Go?" What I saw was simple, clean and beautiful:

A white bird took off, flying to the east. High up, just gliding. Message was "observing" for now, what is down there. Things pass by, let them go. Things are coming up - can't know or worry about what these are. Just let them all go by and observe, but don't obsess.

Nighttime starts to fall, like when you are on a plane headed east. A bit quicker than "normal." Bird stops and takes shelter on a branch of a tree looking down over a city with lights twinkling. Still observing and patiently waiting for sunrise.

Bird upon closer inspection is a pure white eagle. Large, calm, knowing, serene, beautiful.

Sunrise will come. Wait patiently. Let everything go by. Just observe.

A V A V A

Some wisdom about what this means:

Eagle's medicine includes swiftness, strength, courage, wisdom, keen sight, illumination of Spirit, healing, creation, knowledge of magic, ability to see hidden spiritual truths, rising above the material to see the spiritual, ability to see the overall pattern/big picture, connection to spirit guides and teachers and higher truths, great power and balance, dignity with grace, intuitive and creative spirit, respect for the boundaries of the regions, grace achieved through knowledge and hard work. 

The vision they possess helps us learn to take a step back and view the bigger picture. We need to view the past and the present objectively, whilst looking towards the future. We need to open our minds and hearts to see past old, restricting beliefs that are holding us back. Eagle teaches us to courageously face our fear of the unknown, so we are then able to fly as high as our heart's joy can take us. Your strengths need to be utilised wisely and remember, to soar like Eagle you must view things with caution, being confident and trusting your abilities. 

Eagle is also linked with courage. To give up our limited perspectives, to release ourselves from comfortable, familiar thought patterns, even when they don't appear to be working, and fly into a larger world requires that we are brave enough to enter unknown realms.

Mental and emotional shapeshifting is sometimes necessary if we want to grow and learn. As with all things there are risks involved in allowing our beings to assume new forms, however the rewards are greater. Eagle asks us to recognize that the earth is not our only home, as well for us to join it in the flight to our true home - the world of Spirit. 

Wednesday Nov 6.   I want to keep things moving ahead so I do another visualization. I see the white eagle up in the tree and think to myself that if I am going to be doing vision quests for other people, maybe I should imagine my "self" in the third person in the visualization, as though I am doing on her behalf.

She (me) is sitting quietly, eyes closed, in a large darkish space. Nothing is around her. The eagle is in the tree, looking down. The question is: what is next for her (Laura)? The eagle flies erratically up as though to take off like a rocket ship, but its wings are flapping all over the place. It seems a bit unstable and worrisome. Stabilization happens and the eagle flies higher, into darkness that seems like it is the stratosphere. The next thing I see (as the visioner) is the eagle now flying back down toward her, and swooping her up in its talons. That seems treacherous at first, but then I look again, and see that the eagle is enveloping her and cradling her, while swiftly flying east again.

The eagle sets her down on a mountaintop - a precipice. It looks like somewhere you would see in Utah in a National Park. High up, a cool breeze blowing. A long long way down. The question - what is next. The fear - all alone. Upon further observation, there are lots of people down below, on a plateau of sorts. The energy of this situation is "surrounded by love." Or supported by love. A man comes up behind her and puts his arm around her shoulders and cuddles her. The energy is "mate." The feeling is safe and secure. At that moment, the white feathers of the eagle, unfurl down into a skirt on her that transforms into a billowy cloud-like rolling hill around all the people below who are now on the feathers. There is connection between the people and Laura. It is a peaceful and serene setting. Everything is going to be okay is the feeling tone of the moment.

More wisdom about what this might mean:

The plume of an Eagle Feather or fluff is white, billowy and soft. It represents the purity, lightness and gentleness of a child full of the spirit and so new to the cycle of life. The plume is distinctive and usually a token of honor.

The plume in the Cycle of Life is the beginning of the formative years, childhood. It is the age of innocence, pride and dreams – a time for bonding and attachment to relationships, values, attitudes, behaviors, personalities, character and to the environment. It is a time for security and integration.

Transformation Continues...in France

I've been in France for three weeks. I've taken more than 3,000 photographs, been all over the country - from Provence to Paris, Marseilles to the Mid-Pyrenees, and Paris to Giverny and the 'burbs.

I post all my photos when I travel on my Travel With Me blog.

As far as art is concerned, I have seen so many cool things while here. When I get back, I am going to immerse myself in porcelain pottery. A friend took me to Bernardaud in Paris where I saw at porcelain sculpture as well as dishes, teapots and cups that all took my breath away.

I was expecting to buy a beautiful votive, which I did.

I was not expecting to be totally blown away by the non-traditional and artistic pieces in this store.

Yes - this sculpture is very strange. It was made by Brazilian brothers Humberto Campana (b. 1953) and Fernando Campana (b. 1961) in a series called Nazareth in 2007-8.  It is made of porcelain glazed with a metallic finish.

I cannot explain why I love it so much and that if I had a spare 32K Euro laying around, I would buy it. It inspires me. So do many other smaller, less provocative things. I will mull them all over when I return and continue to transform the art I make when I recover from jet lag and get back in my studio.

A Transformation Six Months in the Making

It was a really busy weekend with long days. I helped a friend at her show in Petaluma on Saturday, after being up 'til late with Bad Art Night on Friday. All day on my feet making sales in her booth, then a couple of hours of rest and a cold drink, then back at it at a vendor night.

Sunday I was up at the crack of dawn again to take my artist in residence to the start line of the Half Moon Bay International Marathon. I did sneak back into bed for about an hour, then went to cheer her on at the half-way point, which just happened to be a block from my house. The afternoon was beautiful and we had a lovely dinner of grilled salmon, rice pilaf and broccoli I prepared for my twin daughters' birthday.

But, I need to get more sleep, and get at it before 11 pm. I've been burning the candle at both ends.

In March I did a guided visualization for myself. It was all about what's next for me. I saw myself suffocating, energetically, then able to transform into a new me, woven from the old me.

It's been an extraordinarly challenging six months since I did that visualization. Life as I have known it for the past 35 years has been changing. The change, looking back over six months, could be viewed as gradual, but it has felt more sudden. The good news is that it feels like a major shift occurred last week. An insight. An Aha! The rebuilding has begun.

I was on a roll at the art faire on Saturday. I felt connected and powerful and in the groove with this group of people in a way I had not before. I feel competent and worthy. I feel I am one of them, not less than. In coaching, we call that conscious competence. It is a great place to be.

I have a food idea and read an article this morning about the founder of Chobani Yogurt and thought, I should call that guy up and ask him to mentor me about my food idea. We need mentors in life and I am not at all afraid to ask him. He can always say no.

I also proceeded on submitting an art action program proposal last week by finding someone I think is the right person to lead that opportunity. I feel good about putting what I see and want out there without hesitation. She said yes too!

These actions - my reaching out - feel like the new, rebuilt me. All the parts that were the former me - the engineer, the MBA, the artist - are all threads that are becoming the new me in a way I could never have predicted.

Analog Day - Working With Dad in the Garage

If you know me or even if you just follow me on Facebook, you will "get" that I am very attached to technology and by technology, I mean my internet. I have a personal WIFI hotspot on my phone and I swear that is the best thing ever invented. I am never without a connection. Almost never.

Yesterday, I took at little road trip with my sister and dad up to fetch some things from Arnold, CA. Arnold is a beautiful resort town in the foothills of the Sierras, about 20 miles east of Angel's Camp. This is where a lot of gold rush activity happened in the mid-1800s. The towns are small and quaint and everything is really chill.

We were in Blue Lake Springs, which is frequented heavily by lots of people from the Bay Area/Silicon Valley. They have a golf course, pools and lots of cabins. And no AT&T coverage. None. One time a few years ago, my youngest daughter and I slept in the car overnight in the pool parking lot because I couldn't find my dad's house and there was no cell phone coverage and god knows where you find a real pay phone these days.

I was able to do a lot of work on the way up in the car, but I was scrambling because I knew what would happen when we reached Angels Camp. It would go dark, so to speak. And it did, right on cue.

We were on our way to help my dad retrieve an emergency generator. It's a big engine inside the bed of a small truck that has been rigged to be towed.

My dad is 87 now and he toys with the idea he can still go take care of these jobs all by himself, but my sister knew it would be better for us to go with him, even if just to help drive and feed him lunch and he was happy for the company and help.

We got there and my dad got right to work on assessing the situation. The tow hitch had sat out in the heat, snow and rain for several years and needed to be removed and cleaned. Dad is so cute and always has been about tools. He has great tools - being a mechanical engineer - he has everything needed. The place we were at had a nice little garage workshop too.

We got the hitch off the trailer and brought it into the garage and put it in the vise. Dad took it all apart and decided this little metal piece needed to be restored. That piece, along with some washers, a bolt, a spring, and a metal tab, all help the hitch come down onto the ball and when tightened, grab it.

It has been a long long time since I've done anything mechanical like that. Taking that simple hitch apart with my dad reminded me of working out in the garage with him when I was a kid. I couldn't have a car until I was able to change the spark plugs (including gapping them) and change the oil myself. My sister was impressed that I knew the names of all the parts and how they went together. My dad was grateful for my good eyesight and manual dexterity in helping hold all the parts together.

I was thinking about engineers while we were working and how this little collection of metal pieces weighing about 5 pounds allows you to take a generator several hundred miles on the highway safely. Putting all the parts back together properly keeps the generator from flying off the back of the truck and into someone else's car. These are small things that engineers do that make the world a better place.

Working with my dad yesterday was so analog. The 100-foot tall pine trees and the crisp nip of fall were rejuvenating. Getting my hands greasy and into the metal was satisfying. The smell of the oil coming out of the little pump can was a throwback to those days out the garage working on my car with my dad.  Not having internet for a few hours was fine. I survived. In fact, I thrived.

Empty Nest - Good Eggs

This is the week that a lot of people I know have kids going off to college for the first time. Getting all their stuff together, making the trip, getting them settled into their dorms or apartments. Big steps for the little people and their parents.

I went through it last year when my youngest left for Monterey. True to form, she did not want me to go with her. She moved the week or two before actually leaving and the day of her final move, timed it perfectly so that I was on a conference call and could not even hug her goodbye. It may have been all that jagged crying spontaneously at breakfast in the weeks leading up to that day that had her decide it would be best for both of us if the long goodbye was removed from the equation.

We have a funny little thing in our family, and especially between youngest one and me: I miss you already. Just this morning, in the midst of some more argumentive times we've had this week, she said she wants to miss me before I go on my trip in a week.

What is this we have about missing someone even when we are with them? It sounds a little like being together with friends or family for dinner, then spending the whole time on a cell phone checking emails and sending messages to others, or even those we are with in person.

She jumped in her car and took off and I continued my conference call with my jaw dropped wide open. I didn't know she would pick that time to leave and was at once surprised and relieved. I would have done a poor job of hugging her goodbye, probably crying a lot and saying something unhelpful.

As soon as the call was over, and after weeks of me not knowing how I might manage being all alone and missing my baby, I suddenly got over it. I went out to her room, finished cleaning it and hung up art on the walls. I put out fresh linens that I'd been saving up to make the room into a vacation retreat for visiting family and friends.

I spent the next few months with my mom visiting and that was nice. She enjoyed the new room, and then she left too. And then I was alone for the first time since a short time in college when I had an apartment and was between roommates and not yet married. I was engaged, but my husband to be lived in Northern California and I was in LA. I enjoyed that time alone and being alone again 35 years later was similar though now I'm not in a relationship, so I am truly alone.

No one to tell you when to eat, what to watch on television, when to go to bed, or when to get up. I was able to just be with myself and the two little dogs. I was able to hear the cadence of my own breathing and cycles, and see for myself what caused me to be irritable or grumpy, happy, elated. What made me laugh out loud or cry. I felt liberated and unencumbered.

I will never stop being a mom to my four children and caring for and about them. But I have learned to appreciate the nest that is mostly empty of open little mouths, instead now visited by self-sufficient adults that my children have become. They make me breakfast, take me out to dinner, and just sit and talk to me about what is going on in their lives and ask me about what I'm up to.

The nest is empty and then full, and then empty again.

Mondays Are So Open...To This or That

I'm developing a theory about creativity and Mondays: we hopefully spend time over the weekend relaxing, hanging out with family and friends, and indulging in some art viewing or art-related activities.

For me, by Monday, I am open and porous, a creative sponge. I am relaxed and my mind is flowing with ideas about what I can do next, creatively.

Today, I went to see a man about a kiln. I have long had a secret desire to make three dimensional objects. I see them at art shows and love them, admire them, fondle them and sometimes buy them. So admitting I want to make them is a relief.

I got an email from this biz-nessy guru, Ramit Sethi, this morning about fear and the reasons why we hold back from doing something. My logic and reasoning, which he pointed out is just fancy camouflage for fear, is that someone else has done what I want to do thus I don't need my stuff out there in the world too. This fear is sandwiched between two nice layers of how I am inspired and also appropriate in my art to a huge degree. I am still looking for and finding my own voice. The post today about fear was helpful because honestly, so few people see the work of artists anyway, that me adding to that universe of work would not be noticed by others in any negative way.

Instead, I should do the work and get myself into the zone of unique voice and creativity and let it all flow from there. So despite all the logical thinking to the contrary, I am going to get a kiln and a drying rack and a clay roller device and some porcelain clay and start making things I can see in my head.

I believe they will be fantastic. I know when I see something this clearly, as a vision, I am meant to do it. Here I go with my creative process!

Eyes Opening Wider

There's a post from Harvard Business Review out this morning on creativity that has me thinking.

The credo here in Silicon Valley and business from my MBA studies is "innovate or die." It's so harsh. Die. And yet, this is true - if you have a product or service and you don't continue to keep it fresh and updated, you lose your competitive advantage and die just a little each day, leading to being lost in the weeds while your competitor out-advances you and scoops market share and revenue. Ugh.

That's one scenario anyway. And along the way, creativity has been co-opted as THE WAY to discover these innovations and stay in front of the pack.

My life work - engineering the liberation of creativity - has me thinking today about what I am meant to do in the context of "innovate or die" thinking. How do I help people be more creative and why are they wanting to be creative?

I discovered a book a couple of weeks ago that was, titularly at least, in my sweet spot. I thought Joseph Berk's book*, Unleashing Engineering Creativity was going to be my book - my thing. I ordered it, terrified to open and read it, thinking "here we go again, you have no original thoughts."

Inside, I discovered a wonderful set of tools and methods for helping engineers work through the creative process in a very analytical way. It was as though the very essence of creativity got distilled back down into analytical - all linear, and process-y. It was a fun read and I know has valuable nuggets, but it is NOT what I'm up to at all. It is everything I'm trying to run away from - the structure, the process, the documenting of it all. I wonder how you can be in a room full of people asking them to bring forth their creativity while you charge and document the whole thing. It SEEMS logical, but intuitively, I know this isn't entirely how creativity works.

My experience is that creativity happens when there is NO structure. Instead, when there are a few colored pencils and some paper, a chill atmosphere with some light music in the background and some like-minded people immersed in the soup of their own interests and creativity.

This is what happens at Bad Art Night every two weeks at my house: people come here with something they are working on. It is usually not their main area of art. For example a women who weaves and knits very competently may be here to work on necklaces or collaged boxes. She works quietly while chatting. She is paying enough attention to her work to get the glue on the box or the beads on the thread, but she is not consumed in her own world thinking hard about how to make this the next good thing. Instead, she is chatting, sipping some tea, loosely observing someone across from her who is painting or cutting out shapes - doing their own thing. Meanwhile, she is innovating. Maybe her next new necklace design, innovating ahead of her competition, is in the making. She isn't working hard at it through a rubric of think this, brainstorm that, write down possible designs, evaluate them and eliminate/refine. She's just making the next best necklace out of her intuitive knowing and skill and talent.

My "job" is to create the right environment for this type of creative R&D to be able to happen. The atmosphere - the room, the lighting and the music and vibe I have some control over physically. I sweep the floor, put out tea, clear the table each night before people arrive. That's the physical. Easy.

What I really do to have this happen is BE. I am the creative person I want to see all of them be. I am open to possibilities. I dive in and try new things looking for where my art will next innovate. I work with reckless abandon, and I keep working something over until I am happy with it. I hold in my heart the love of creativity and the possibility that everyone is creative and that their creativity feeds their art and personal happiness.

Oprah was onto unleashing creativity in 2011 which I did not know until I started this blog entry and did a search for Joseph Berk's book. Even Peggy Orenstein's take on creativity has suggestions for coming up with  how many ways you can use a egg carton in five minutes.

I guess because I don't perform well under pressure, at least creatively, this approach overwhelms me. Instead, I would rather sit at my art table with some paints or ink and paper, and my pen, and start doodling. I keep my "problem to be solved" in the background, but don't head on dwell on it. Instead, I noodle and doodle and like journaling can help people, the answer comes to me directly, or I relax enough into my creative thinking that it will pop up in a dream or a bit later.

I'm not wanting to bash this head-on methodology because it can and does work for a lot of people and even me, sometimes. It's just that I find the indirect soup of a creative and nurturing environment better in the long run.

That's how I help people liberate their creativity. I invite them to be in that nurturing environment and believe in them that their next best idea will come out.

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*In his latest book, author and educator Joseph Berk explores the best techniques for stimulating creative thinking, creating new products, improving existing products, and solving design challenges. Surprisingly, even those of us who are paid to be creative often need help. Most of us lose much of our natural creativity by the time we finish high school, but we can regain it through the techniques included in Unleashing Engineering Creativity. This is exciting and fun material, and Unleashing Engineering Creativity presents it in an interesting and engaging manner. Many organizations and engineers rely on brainstorming as their primary creative and inventive tool, but this simplistic approach often fails to stimulate creativity in a meaningful way. Unleashing Engineering Creativity goes far beyond brainstorming. This book explores powerful new creativity stimulation approaches and provides recommendations for overcoming self-imposed obstacles. The title says it all. If you want to unleash your engineering creativity, this book will help you and your organization attain significant creativity improvements.